For the longest time I was unable to live in the moment. To exist in the present, instead of jumping from the stress of the past to the anxiety of the future. My mind rarely laid to rest comfortably in the fleeting moment called now.
One of the biggest roadblocks for me was the self-conceived impression that everything had to be going great in order to have fun. All the foundational blocks of my life had to be neatly arranged, and the details organized precisely in the perfect place in order for me to let go.
When I was younger, if I picked out an outfit and got to school and decided it was ugly, my whole day was ruined. I have to wonder if this all originated from a misconstrued perception of the relationship between appearance and agreeableness crafted by my over exposure to social media at an impressionable age. Somewhere along the lines the ability to of feel good and look good became one unanimous, unachievable notion.
Yet there is truth to the extremity. A truth that actually changed my entire mindset and lifestyle.
As we all know by now, there really is a strong positive correlation between looking and feeling good, although it is not definitive of your entire well-being. Looking good makes you feel confident and comfortable in your own skin, and this is where the external ‘agreeableness’ comes from.
There also came a long, seemingly never-ending period of time where I derived no joy from social interactions. When people opened their mouth to talk, admittedly even friends and family, I became bored, just waiting for them to be finished. I found no interest in what people were saying, and often caught myself un-engaged and pseudo-listening.
There was no contentment for me until I learned to embrace this boredom. I had to stop pretending to be interested if people are straight up boring. Always be polite and open-minded, but there is no need to lie if someone just keeps yapping with no sign of emotional intelligence or self awareness.
I realized that I had to be the one to bring the good energy, no matter what I have going on and regardless of how other people are acting. I wanted to become one of those people who is always having a good time and getting the most out of the situation, even when other people are boring or annoying because I just find my own mind so hilarious and entertaining.
Sometimes, life is so shitty and boring that we just have to start finding the entire affair comical. Stop avoiding the uncomfortable thoughts and let yourself bathe in the truth and subsistence of your own reality.
